Ever since the publication of “The Game” by Niall Strauss in 2005, the term “pickup” has become a dirty word. I don’t blame society for associating the term with a skeevy underbelly of humanity. What else were they supposed to make of the weirdos who purposefully dressed in silly clothing and went out trying to fuck anything with a hole between their legs by saying mean things to them?
This crass imagery has persisted for the last decade, and it’s unlikely to leave us any time soon. But, if for nothing more than wanting to play devil’s advocate and for the benefit of my limited audience, I’d like to come to the pickup community’s defence. I, among possibly millions of others, was also introduced to the idea of being able to approach women anywhere because of that book.
Can we as a society please accept that girls love sex too? All too often I hear that women who enjoy sex, are somehow sluts, whereas the chaste, and meek ones are angels to be revered. I’m sick of this mentality, because it leads to having a society obsessed with sex, but that frowns on people actually having sex with each other. This leads to women hiding who they are, because they think that by showing what they think, and what they feel, they’ll be viewed as sluts.
I’ll say it again, and even in capital letters WOMEN LOVE SEX. I’m hardly the only person who’s said this over the ages. The Greeks even had it built into their very foundational mythology. Long ago, in a city near Athens, which was called Thebes, there lived a man called Tiresias. Often he had this habit of walking alone in the woods, and he once found a pair of copulating snakes. Slightly curious, he pulled out a stick, and smacked them. The goddess Hera, was displeased by this wanton act of violence and in punishment he was turned into a woman.
Filled with dismay, he learned to accept his position as a woman, and lived life like any of them. He married, and had children. Seven years later, he took a trip down the woods, and saw the exact same scene that had changed his life. Now, having learned the value of prudence and kindness, as a woman, he let the snakes be. In return, Hera transformed him back into a man (I imagine his husband wasn’t very pleased with this).
A little while later, Hera and Zeus were having an argument. Who enjoyed sex the most, men or women? Zeus argued that it had to be women, for who could deny the truth of this when you saw a woman drenched in sweat, her eyes rolled to the back of her head, whilst every muscle in her body spasmed uncontrollably and you heard her moan? Hera said that men, as they just seem to be obsessed with sex.
Nevertheless, to settle this argument, who else was better than someone that had been both sexes in their life? So they summoned Tiresias, and they asked him this question. He looked at them humbly, and answered “A man enjoys only a tenth of what a woman feels.” Hera was furious at this impetuous response and made him blind, Zeus couldn’t revert the punishment but in return he gave him the gift of foresight and youth for seven lifetimes.
Hera was angry at poor Tiresias, because she couldn’t play the role of purity anymore. The game was up, he couldn’t be told that he was wrong, as he’d lived it himself. Obviously this story didn’t happen, but it shows exactly the play that is being played in society. Ancient holy books, like the Bible, are especially bad at this – as they say that the dowry of a woman is worth more if she’s a virgin, if a woman loses her virginity to man, he must pay the father, as if he’d accidentally broken a window, priceless art, or something of the sort:
“If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife. If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins. “ – Exodus 22:16-17
I do not know whether this doublethink is something inherent in our biology, or something that is socially conditioned. Nevertheless, we should try to do something about it. A woman is not a slut if she has more partners than you. Hell, if you look at it in raw terms, an attractive woman will say more times no to sex than you will ever have a chance of saying yes to in your life. To quote Chris Rock “Every time a guy is nice to you, all he’s doing is offering dick.” Do not put words in my mouth and assume that because I say this that I don’t believe in kindness. What I’m saying is that yes there’s kindness, but there’s also horniness and that usually overrides the former.
As such, a woman says more times no to sex than what a man can only dream of. The man’s job is to persist, whilst a woman’s is to resist. That is the essence of the gender dynamic. If at times, the girl happens to “fail” in her duties, should we really hold it against her? She’s succeeded in 99.99% of all other cases. If to the general populace the word “slut” means a girl who loves having and has sex, then we can apply this to most girls, and it becomes meaningless. It’s like naming a colour and saying that the whole rainbow is that colour.
Words matter.I’m not advocating to eliminate it entirely though, as a word it has its use. Nevertheless, I’d tweak its definition a tad. A “slut” should only be someone who engages in sex irresponsibly, and without minding the consequences. I’m not gonna even touch the third wave feminist rant in regards to the word, it’s a whole different can of worms, that I have little to no interest in.
In either case, because of all this, men have often disregarded and offhandedly dismissed women’s sexual drives. All too often you see married women who are bored out of their minds, because their husbands think that she’s not that into sex. I’ve often heard that in relationships, the promise of sex can be used by women as a bargaining tool. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Men, we have to get our act together. Women are sexual beings as well. They’re not doing you a favour in having sex with you, if you do it right. Actually listen to them, actually hear what they have to say on the matter. Women have wild fantasies, which men don’t even come close to. Why do you think Fifty Shades of Grey was so popular? What would happen if I told you, for example, that the most common erotic fantasies women have is getting raped (with studies showing that on average over 47% of women have them)? It would probably blow your mind, and you’d refuse to believe it, as that girl you love couldn’t possibly have such “vile” thoughts.
Now, again, as this is a VERY thorny issue, I will stress that sex always has to be consensual. Nevertheless, there’s so much more out there than the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation, for thirty seconds, as some people seem to believe. We, as a society, seem to forget that women have a sex drive too. I just dislike the idea that women might consider it an honour to bestow on guys, for them to give the privilege to allow them to get fucked. No, no, no, we’re supposed to be equals in the relationship, and forgetting about someone’s basic needs, should not happen.
If you get anything out of this article, it should be this: Sex is a beautiful act, where people share a very deep connection with each other, and it should be treated as such. Do not think that a woman’s pleasure is unimportant, or think it’s fine to never take her feelings in mind, when it involves sex. The world would be a much better place, if we learned to accept what makes us human beings and sex is a very important aspect of this.