Beauty and the Bitch – The Truth about Shit-tests

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Often, when you talk with men about women they seem to have this underlying feeling of anger. They’ll snarl in annoyance that girls are bitchy, hypocritical and slutty. However, in the next breath they’ll say that women are too uptight. I think this viewpoint stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of gender differences. Women and men are complementary to each other. One’s weaknesses are the other’s strengths, and vice versa. Interactions between men and women are a very complicated dance; we both have fundamentally different viewpoints on reality itself, and we have opposing mating strategies to go along with them.

Men, for the most part, are more interested in casual sex. Indeed, we’re essentially designed to do so. In the first place, the risk of sex is lesser, and thus the investment cost is much reduced. We won’t be out of commission for almost a year, if a condom were to break. Furthermore, to this we can add that mammalian males decrease in sexual interest the longer they are with the same partner, this phenomenon is called the “Coolidge effect” in biology. It is with this cocktail that we have a recipe for displeasure in the long term, if one completely severs our ties with the casual sex world.

Women, on the other hand, want commitment more than casual sex. For one sexual strategy to succeed, the other must fail. This is by no means to say that they do not enjoy sex. I’d even venture to say that it’s quite the contrary. Having said this, as sex is so readily available for women, and as it involves such a potentially expensive endeavour (physical, psychological, etc) they’re more selective and only go for those that they perceive to be higher value. “Value” for women comes in two shapes: in the “bad boy” sort of way, wherein a man shows enough confidence, humour, potential and drive that women admire him, as he seems to be a cut above the rest of men; the other form is in the “protector” way, wherein a man shows that he’ll be there to support and defend the woman, and thus she’ll feel safe with him.

No man is wholly in either camp, but he’ll use a combination of both of these strategies in his seduction arsenal. He’ll naturally prefer one of these sides though, and will have to have to improve the other side, if he wants to consistently be able to interest girls in him. Otherwise, he mainly depends on chance to provide him with the girls, rather than developing the skillset. Some women require more security, whilst others require more adventure and excitement. The man capable of attracting women on a consistent basis is able to identify the right dosage of both sources of value, to be best able to best fit into the girl’s world. I must stress though that it’s about showing different facets of one’s self, at no point ought one to lie about oneself.

Contrary to popular belief, women are not mind readers. As such, they cannot know from the outset whether or not a man is what he seems to portray himself to be. It thus stands to reason that initiating something with someone, who may well prove to be a dud, is a risky proposition. In game theory this is called “a problem of asymmetric information”, one party happens to know one crucial piece of information (for example a man may be pretending to be more confident than he is) and the other party cannot simply ask whether they’re telling the truth, as they might as well just lie about this too. Decision making thus seems to be little more than a gamble.

Nevertheless, when it comes to gambling, the house always wins. Over a long enough period, if you gamble, you’ll lose everything you own, and you’ll soon enough be thrown out of the casino of life through natural selection. But, human beings are clearly still here, one could even say we’ve been thriving for the last 150,000 years of human existence, so we’re clearly doing something right, beyond what random chance would predict.

Unbeknownst to us, humans have an advantage up their sleeves – women are card counting in the grand casino of life. As with card counting, it is impossible to know exactly what card the dealer is about to show, but you can form a pretty accurate understanding based on the context of a given situation. What women do, is subconsciously test a man’s value by putting them in a situation where they cannot win without showing strength in a value department.

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Men dread these situations, as they seem to be solely designed to make them uncomfortable, and to sabotage any attempts at romance. As such, men have lovingly called these situations “shit-tests.” If a man fails the shit-test by flip flopping, being insecure and not being true to themselves, then a woman’s attraction will progressively decrease for them, as they start losing respect for them. Over time, this may mean that women become wholly uninterested in the man, and that’s when they supposedly fall to the dreaded “friendzone.” In other words, it’s by men failing to show intent, and value that a woman loses her attraction for him. Women are unknowingly self-sabotaging in their interactions with men, in the hopes that the “right ones” will stay, and for the most part it works.

Here’s a short list of a few that are so commonplace that they border on the cliché:

  • Do you find my friend attractive?

  • Does this dress make me look fat?

  • You think you’re so great, don’t you?

  • Is that your best line?

Shit-tests often border on the rude, and crude. One must remember that these are not a girl’s defining trait or personality. Some of the sweetest girls ever may well seem bitchy, if you only see the outer layer. However, we must always remember that they do them out of necessity, to separate the lions from the sheep. Otherwise, they would more often than not, end up with horrible choices which they’re unhappy with. Obviously this mechanism is not foolproof, it doesn’t guarantee that the two people are a perfect match, it just makes it better than random chance.

Before we get overly zealous and start our lynch mob at women for constantly testing us, we must remember that this happens thoroughly in the subconscious. If that weren’t the case, it would be counter-productive. True, one’s upbringing and culture may tint the outward appearance of a shit-test, but at its core it is designed to see what a man is truly made of, and thus the end goal is always the same. It’s sort of like food, each culture’s and people’s individual preferences are different, yet regardless of what one eats, its end purpose is the exact same. If humans had to be taught to feel hunger, so that they fed themselves when they needed energy, we’d die off sooner or later. Instead, we have pre-programmed responses to certain stimuli, which makes for a much more efficient mechanism.

Men get too caught up in inventing clever responses to very specific shit-tests, rather than seeing the forest for the trees. If one doesn’t want to “fail” shit-tests on a consistent basis, a man should genuinely seek to embody what women are testing for in the first place. Inventing clever lines for specific situations is just putting a bandaid on larger issues. Men should not see this as a chore, but as a chance to improve oneself as a human being. If you fail shit-tests on a consistent basis, there’s work to be done and it’s the world’s way of telling you this. The only other solution is getting angry at women for something they genuinely don’t have much control over.

I do not think it serves much of a purpose to judge others for things they have little control over. It’s like getting angry over a butterfly for flying, or a lion eating an antelope, or men for finding women physically attractive. Things are what they are, whether we want it to be so or not. As such, learning to live with the circumstances, and learning to appreciate the elegance of the solutions of nature, rather than getting angry at it, is a much wiser and saner option. We are what we are, we can either accept this, or live an unhealthy and unhappy life of denial. It’s your choice…

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6 thoughts on “Beauty and the Bitch – The Truth about Shit-tests

  1. Hey Richard… reading a little deeper into you blog. Of course the “testing” one caught my eye.

    I just posted about a test on my blog, about picking up a girl and when you are asking for the date, and as a test, she suggests that she will bring a friend. Happened to me on the sidewalk last week twice and I’ve heard other men talk about negotiating that one as well.

    As I wrote that post, I wasn’t sure if she ever really intends to bring a friend, or if that is all simply an “unconscious test.”

    But the solutions I proposed are exactly what you’re saying about tests. The more I think about my example, the more I think that is ONLY a test, and she never really/rationally intends to bring a friend… it’s solely a form of screening.

    >> If a man fails the shit-test by flip flopping, being insecure and not being true to themselves, then a woman’s attraction will progressively decrease for them, as they start losing respect for them. Over time, this may mean that women become wholly uninterested in the man, and that’s when they supposedly fall to the dreaded “friendzone.”

    Yes.

    I think what you’re saying is more about how a woman slowly “friends” you in a social circle context.

    In a daygame context, you don’t have any time/opportunity to slowly make your case. She is having to decide, very quickly, if she wants to be in your world or not. But the test functions exactly the same. You fail, your attraction is gone.

    You pass… your attraction could very likely go up. This is the part of testing that is less talked about. I know Sinn used to say “I love shit tests,” and I think he genuinely does.

    “That’s right I said creating tests. One of the easiest and most predictable way to get attraction is through passing a woman’s tests.”
    — Sinn

    I think I passed the test from the little girl that day… and I think that’s why she was willing to date me. Which is to say, each test we pass allows us to continue to be a “maybe.” Each test we fail makes us a “no.”

    Women have to screen. Good men get tested.

    Like

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