The Circus of the Absurd

Today in the infinite universe of possibilities, on a rock hurling at thousands of kilometres around a ball of fire, there was a species of bipedal apes milling about their lives. Among them, was I my dear readers. I’d criss crossed an ocean in the hopes of getting new stories to tell, and I wanted to relive old ones as well.

It is thus how I found myself in Budapest, trying to recover an old flame that had lain in wait for what seemed to be an eternity. We chatted the night away, smiling and laughing to the point where our cheeks hurt. Nevertheless, like a looming spectre, there was a miasma of awkwardness whenever I tried to hold her hand, or hold her gaze like we used to. We couldn’t fully be ourselves, for to be ourselves we would have to give each other fully to one another, and now there was a third lover in the mix, which stopped us from embracing our desires fully.

Under normal circumstances, I would not care about this third party, whom I do not know – but have a natural distaste for. The agreement I enter with the lady is between me and her, the rest of the world be damned. Like Nero, I’d happily play our fiddle whilst the world burned around us, if only to be with her. The problem lies when they place a high value on staying faithful. What is important for someone I care about, is important for me. My one desire is to be a positive influence in their lives, in the same way that they’ve been to mine.

However, thinking about the whole situation, I cannot but feel slightly ridiculous at the whole thing. Here I am, having experienced an unquestionable miracle of random chance, and yet to an extent I feel the need to bitch and moan at the fact that this impossible event didn’t continue for longer. To think about how infinitely improbable our meeting was, for any length of time, just boggles the mind. For the whole story to occur, I had to be born in a situation where I could travel, I had to have decided to go to this particular city, speak a common language, and happen to randomly bump into her in a city of almost two million. This is by no stretch of the imagination the only barriers between us meeting and having a story with each other, there’s an incalculable number more, and then they’re doubly worse when we considered what it took for her to be there as well.

I am sitting in my room after the meeting, having foregone on the chance of hitting it off with an attractive girl I randomly met on my way to my apartment, as I wasn’t in the mood to socialize anymore, processing it all. Life has its ups and downs, whirls and thrills. However, that’s what I like about it. The story we have together is a great one, and I’m sure that sooner or later there will be another chapter to add. Without a doubt, there is a part of me that just wishes things weren’t the way they are. Yet life is what it is, whether we want it to be so or not.

Nevertheless, that is not the point. The point is that we live in a universe of infinite possibilities, and within those infinitely large possibilities we managed to cross each other’s paths and shared an amazing story, if only for the blink of an eye. I believe that it is absurd to even conceive that good can happen, for there is far greater bad then good that can happen. Yet despite all the odds against beauty and happiness even existing, it still manages to exist, in incalculable quantities. I think that is amazing in and of itself.

Not for one moment do I regret having shared this story with this girl. Despite the toxic side effects, were you to ask me whether I’d do it all again, I’d do it ten times over. I consider I am someone who lives to find beauty; for the mind, for the body, for the soul and for the world. I love travel, because I manage to see things for real which are often just in the mere imagination of people. That is what I stay alive for, to marvel at the universe of infinite possibilities and all its ways of expressing itself positively. Oscar Wilde put it best when he said “Life is too important to be taken seriously” so I shall continue living with a smile and marvelling at the impossibility of life’s events.

I wish you all the best, and may your travels take you to wonderful places.

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One thought on “The Circus of the Absurd

  1. Pingback: How to go from shy to smooth – a personal story | Tantalus Reborn

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